Humor columnist Mike Cavaliere returns to the Palm Coast Observer older, more anxious and less self-assured than ever. But his teeth look great.
My mouth was full of puddy.
“I’m gonna come in from behind,” the hygienist told me, reaching around my head to stretch open my lips, stuff in a tray full of Play-Doh then press it against my top chompers (that’s the medical term for what we laypeople call “teeth,” she explained). When she did, globs of goo oozed from the sides of the trays, all but blocking my windpipe.
I stifled panic and breathed slowly through my nose.
“Think about anything other than the plaster,” she told me. So I stared out the window and pictured a rotisserie chicken — instant Zen. Then it hit me:
So this is what my midlife crisis looks like, huh?
Mike Cavaliere 